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'lena (this is math)
02 February 2019 @ 09:53 pm

comment to be added.
'lena (this is math)
18 March 2010 @ 09:44 pm
 today is my last day out and about, before i fly back to texas. 
i don't want to go. i've only just begun to explore the world, and now i've got to go back for another year. i mean, it could be worse. i've got no less than three (THREE!!!!) out of state trips planned before i even start senior year. i have a job. really, it could be worse. 

but, i wanna go and explore and keep on adventuring. six days just wasn't enough.
but i guess that's exactly what i meant to do,. i got a taste, saw new things, learned, explored, saw snow, and now i have to go back. i got a taste, and i have a vague idea where i'm running to, instead of just away. i know where i want to go most, (still wesleyan, but whatevs). and i know what i'm working for. the southern countryside has invaded my psyche more than i thought, goddamn. i like nice people, and i get sad whenver i don't see enough green. boston and new york depress me, but west Massachusetts and Connecticut make me SMILE and fill my life with joy.
that's the point. know what i'm working for, buckle down, crank it up, crank it out. 
graduate. go to college.
explore everywhere. 
there's so much i have to learn.

'lena (this is math)
so, my heart is singing now.
today i traveled from newhaven, CT, where i eventually ended up last night (which was gorgeous and sweet and lovely) to Middletown, CT, where my first choice college was.Wow. It was just...wow. The college was everything I hoped it would be, but the town was so so dead. I figured that would be the best I got, and was happy. 
Now, I'm in Northampton, MA, in the last leg of my journey and this town...makes me feel like a fairy princess. Every step it's like i'm in a chick flick. there's a wonderful record store (the watson twins live at fingers and a tom petty record) and a wonderful used bookstore (coyote stories) and a candy store and a ice cream store that's like the sweeter little cousin of amy's. everything here is so so so adorable and it fills me with joy like no other place i've ever been. 

it's like a bubble, it's like a soap bubble and i hardly believe it. smith is an all girls school, but if the school makes me as happy as the town, well, folks, i think i may be listening to my heart this time.

everything here is beautiful. more explorations tomorrow. i like the godless north, i like it alot.
'lena (this is math)
14 March 2010 @ 11:29 pm
hi world,

so i'm temporarily escaped from texas, for the first time since i was six and went to mexico which doesn't count, because it's basically south texas.  i'm in new york city, right now, in a lower east side sheraton, trying to be discreet while my father sleeps. Tomorrow is my first college visit, NYU, but i've spent a night and a day in the city so far. 

the traffic is fun, i love the way people drive. the people are nice, and they don't mind much. the city is pretty and tall in a structured sort of way. it seems to both shut down and never sleep at the same time. everything wholesome is dead by 9, and the only thing left open are bars. i don't love how the only things to do here seem to be consume and walk, but maybe i'm just looking at the wrong places. i just have this fear that i'd be so lonely here, with most of their schools not having real campuses due to space constraints, and lil ole me from texas. the reason you go to school in new york is to go to school in new york, it seems like. i like it, i do, i like the bustle and i like not being isolated and the tall buildings and the surprise modern art and the mom and pop restaurants and the comic book stores, the haggling and the ability to walk everywhere, but it doesn't feel perfect to me. nothing in me is settled, nothing says this is where i am supposed to be. put down roots, unpack your bags, stop running, this is it. 

maybe no matter where i went the first time, it wouldn't be the right one.  maybe i was being silly but thinking that i could try and get a flavor of a new city so fast, as such an unexperienced traveler. but i know when i fit somewhere, and i know when i've found people like me, and my heart isn't singing yet, so i guess i'm gonna keep looking. 

tomorrow we leave for Connecticut, and my top school that there's no way i can get into. i'm excited. 
'lena (this is math)
31 December 2009 @ 12:17 pm
 So, after a mildly crazy week of straight partying featuring inebriation, I guess I've snapped out of it. I remember why I am clean - simple commitment and love for sobriety. Hello my friends, hello my friends, hello my friends, yes this is me. 
Thank you for putting up with that freakout, flist :)
I feel much better now.